Betrayal Trauma Therapy

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Betrayal trauma is a severe form of emotional distress and psychological pain experienced by a partner when a trusted loved one, such as a spouse with a sex addiction, violates that trust through secrecy, deception, and compulsive sexual behavior. This betrayal trauma is particularly profound because it stems from the person on whom you rely for safety, stability, and attachment. Living with a sex addict, especially when the addiction is active or newly uncovered, often involves navigating an environment filled with constant uncertainty and emotional injury.

Betrayal trauma can be defined as the emotional pain resulting from being betrayed by someone you depend on. Clients frequently express feelings like, "It feels like I'm floating and can't touch the ground," or, "I don't know what I believe or trust in my life anymore." For partners of sex addicts, this complex and repeated trauma affects various aspects of life and can often mimic symptoms associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders (PTSD).

Key injury types

• Attachment Injury: The trust and vulnerability foundational to the primary relationship are shattered by the addict's secret sexual behaviors, along with the lies, manipulation, and deceit employed to conceal them.
• Emotional and Psychological Injury: This results from the confusion, gaslighting, and emotional abuse arising when the addict tries to deny or hide their actions.
• Sexual Injury: The addict's pursuit of sex with others or excessive use of pornography can severely impact the partner's own sexuality, self-worth, and desire for intimacy.

For the betrayed person, symptoms include:

Emotional and psychological symptoms

• Intense Emotional Dysregulation: Rapid, unpredictable mood swings, fluctuating between rage, deep sadness, anxiety, and emotional numbness.
• Anxiety and Hypervigilance: A persistent state of being "on edge," constantly scanning for threats or signs of new betrayal, making relaxation nearly impossible.
• Intrusive Thoughts and Flashbacks: Unwanted, recurring memories or mental replays of the moment of discovery or the betrayal events.
• Confusion and Self-Doubt (Gaslighting Effect): Questioning your own memory, judgment, and sanity, particularly if the betrayer engaged in lying or manipulation.
• Shame and Self-Blame: Believing that somehow the betrayal was your fault, or feeling a deep sense of shame about being betrayed.
• Loss of Identity: Questioning who you are, what you value, and what your life signifies now that your fundamental trust has been broken.
• Depression: Ongoing sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest in activities, and social withdrawal.

Physical symptoms (somatic) 

These symptoms manifest from a nervous system that remains stuck in "fight, flight, or freeze":

• Sleep Disturbances: Insomnia, trouble falling or staying asleep, or nightmares related to the betrayal.
• Changes in Appetite: Overeating or complete loss of appetite.
• Chronic Physical Aches: Headaches, migraines, muscle tension, or unexplained gastrointestinal issues.
• Fatigue: Extreme exhaustion from the persistent state of hypervigilance and emotional turmoil.
• Startle Response: Being easily startled or jumpy due to sudden noises or movements.

Relational and behavioral symptoms

• Profound Difficulty Trusting: Not just the individual who betrayed you, but also new people and relationships, leading to suspicion of everyone’s motives.
• Avoidance/Withdrawal: Pulling away from friends, family, or social activities, and avoiding reminders of the trauma.
• Dissociation/Numbing: Feeling disconnected from your body, emotions, or surroundings, often described as "foggy" or "out of it" as a coping mechanism for overwhelming pain.
• Difficulty with Intimacy: Struggling with emotional or physical closeness because your body associates vulnerability with pain.

“Betrayal is the sense of being harmed by the intentional actions or omissions of a trusted person, often leading to betrayal trauma and significant emotional distress.” — Patrick J. Carnes. 

Group therapy can be a powerful way to connect with others who are experiencing betrayal trauma and emotional distress. My group therapy for partners provides a safe and supportive environment where you can share your experiences and learn from others. I offer a variety of group therapy services to meet your needs.

Ask about my 3-day weekend Intensives designed to help you address betrayal trauma and emotional distress, along with group therapy for partners to kick start your healing.

If you’re ready to take the step towards healing from betrayal trauma and emotional distress, click below to schedule an appointment.